Rhubarb and Its Effect on Global Warming

The great Raymondo knows three things about rhubarb :

1. It is grape-flavoured celery.
2. It’s the kind of thing no-one under 40 cooks with. One has to be a certain distance over the hill to even consider it a viable ingredient for anything.
3. It is the word most often repeated by extras in Hollyoaks, when they are attempting to emulate real conversation. (Seriously – watch their lips).
All fascinating facts, obviously, however not very helpful in attempting to decipher how far this innocent looking vegetable is actually to blame for the meltdown of the planet.
With this in mind I asked my flatmate who, as a graduate with honours from the University of Q.I, gave me the following bona-fide scientific facts:

When rhubarb is filmed, and the film is sped up, one can hear it creaking.
There is a place in existence today called the Rhubarb triangle. It is not a place where planes full of rhubarb mysteriously disappear, (if such planes existed, rhubarb’s effect on global warming would be happily obvious), but three towns over in Yorkshire which specialise in growing the stuff.

These growers of rhubarb play a cruel trick on it. They put it under intense sunlight, then shove it in a dark corner. This peculiar form of vegetable torture disorientates the stuff so much that it stops growing leaves altogether, and all its energy goes into its crumbleable stemmy bit.
Using my mighty B grade in GCSE Biology, I can now triumphantly declare that, when rhubarb Has No Leaves, it cannot do its photosynthesis, and this will increase the amount of carbon in the atmosphere, thus not helping the Global Warming issue one jot.

Put another way, with the help of my flatmate who also has a Sciencey degree from Liverpool University where she did statistics and stuff :

'there is a significant negative correlation between the number of rhubarb leaves in existence and the amount of carbon in the atmosphere'

Leafless Rhubarb : not doing its bit.

So there you go.