As the Great Raymondo is without a beau at the moment, it is with some dismay that the man she speaks about most to her beloved family is one ‘Victor McDermott’, Mastermind and Dictator of her blog, John Peel her Blur, Bolton-born and Cardiff-Based Man of Mystery.
As they are all anxious to see me married off to a Nice Chap, and the V-Man has a strong and noble name, my borderline nosey family have taken a somewhat impertinent interest in him.
As they are all anxious to see me married off to a Nice Chap, and the V-Man has a strong and noble name, my borderline nosey family have taken a somewhat impertinent interest in him.
On my most recent return home, mother wished to know his age, his relationship status and whether or not he has children. Cat ‘The Deserter’ Edwards decided, without a shadow of a hint of a fraction of a doubt that he is secretly in love with me. Father innocently mumbled ‘Helen McDermott’ while innocently preparing some bread and butter to eat in front of an innocent episode of Crime Watch.
While I admit our unusual Facebook introduction would make a wonderful, if long, answer to the question ‘so how did you two meet?’ (and it is almost worth us getting wed just to tell it) Victor, like The Four Unfortunates who preceded him as Leading Male in my life, will not be the man I meet at the top of the aisle while wearing a dress similar to that worn by Tristan’s Second Wife in ‘Legends Of The Fall’ to The Sound of Pachabel’s Canon in D with Cat the Deserter and Eleanor the Cat Collector in tow. And here are a few reasons why:
He has a partner, affectionately nicknamed “Er Indoors”, who I suspect may be long suffering. He recently informed his 275 Facebook friends that ‘Living with ‘er indoors is like being in a recurring episode of Rising Damp.’ This kind of talk does not fit into the Great Raymondo’s dream of a Man who speaks to her and about her with Respect on all Occasions, (and allows her Outdoors once in a while, at the very least for a half-an-hour run around in the back garden in her exercise ball). ‘Er Indoors, if you’re reading this, don’t suffer in silence.
In the ‘favourite quotes’ section of his page, I found the following gem: ‘Women are great: a good one can be trained to do almost anything’. This sentiment, as my mostly female readers will agree, is just not cricket.
He seems a little confused about what motivates him. He lists his interests as “Cash” and “Love and Peace”. The Great Raymondo thinks a man who pursues both at the same time would not get anywhere fast, and would end up in a fist-gnawing, conscience-addled heap. Her Dream Fellow, indeed any bloke worth his salt would already be in possession of one and in pursuit of the other.
And, perhaps the most pertinent reason of all, Dear Readers, is that I Have Never Met the Bloke, and quite frankly, he may well be an absolute, stark raving, knife-wielding lunatic.
Perhaps I will enjoy the single life some more :-D
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| Victor: It's Not You, It's Me |
