A little know fact : The Raymonds of the world have a clan meeting every 7th November in Newton-le-Willows Labour Club. Some regular attendees are Raymond Briggs, Raymond Chandler and Ray Charles off Corrie and Red Dwarf and yours truly, Helen raymond, Blogger Extraordinaire. During our meetings (chaired by my Father) we sit around a circular table and discuss issues affecting Raymonds today. We are a very close knit, secretive bunch, and people who have chosen to leave the Raymond clan (such as my deserter Sister Cat 'Edwards') are treated in much the same way as Amish people who choose to leave their community. There is a ceremonial stripping of the Raymond badge (which we all wear under our clothes), and the ex-Raymond is cast out into the cold Autumn rain.
I may get in trouble for revealing this highly secretive document, but here is last year's meeting's Agenda:
Apologies for absence:
Ray Winstone
Agenda items:
1. Usher is a Raymond.... We must spread Awareness
2. Myley Ray Cyrus wishes to join the clan. Associate membership suggested?
3. Why Does everybody love Raymond?
Any other business.
This last agenda item generated a very interesting discussion.
Raymond off 'Everybody Loves Raymond' asserts it is because he has funny glasses.
Raymond Briggs says it is because he can draw Santa Claus Dead Good.
Raymond Chandler has a new reason every year, but mostly he says it's because of his extraordinarily economical use of language and the way he can evoke a mood using only a few words.
I can only speak for my particular proud lineage, and tell you that everybody loves us because, put simply, we are infinitely loveable. My family descend from a knight who came over to the UK with his friend William the Conqueror in 1066 (the rest of this blog is b*****ks, but this is a true fact).
His name was Raymond Le Noir. Since then, we have been a valiant, spear-forward, helmet-cocked-to-the-world kind of bunch, proudly living up to our name's meaning: 'Protector/Counsellor' (just ask my Dear friend Sally Haddock).
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| Raymond le Noir... 2nd from left on bright yellow horse |
If you like what you have read, and wish to become a Raymond, please contact our Secretary Ray Charles to find out about Raymonds Available For Marriage and Raymond Conversion Classes, starting again in the Spring.
Adendum : Since writing this blog it has been brought to my attention that the aforementioned "Ray Charles off Corrie" is actually Craig Charles, and not a Raymond at all. Ray Charles was apparently a blind singer, and has gone to Raymond Heaven. Craig Charles's impostor status has been brought to the attention of the clan and my Father is considering an adequate punishment.
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